One thing I noticed is that I use to spend so much time deciding which friends I talked about certain things with. I noticed most of us did that as well and that’s because we know how that person’s brain worked and what they would accept and wouldn’t accept as normal. I’ve tried to actually stop that and open myself up and sometimes I get off the phone and say to myself, yup she thinks I’m crazy but oh well, that’s honestly much more refreshing.

As I turned 28 I have made myself a promise to allow myself to grow into womanhood. When will I reach it? I have no idea but I’m pretty sure that once I’m there I’ll know. I’ve personally spent the last two years of my life stuck in the middle of nowhere, trying to figure out my wants and needs, building a failed company, building a successful new company, living under someone else’s roof, making sacrifices, figuring out what my mind and body is doing, fighting anxiety and holding on to every small amount of energy I can muster up and deciding on what I want out of life. It’s been an endless rollercoaster that sometimes I’ve wanted to jump off. But, things will be different at 28; I’m claiming it into existence because I feel I’ve allowed myself to be low enough to listen to God and myself. I’ve accepted that I’m growing into this person, by my own accounts, beliefs and understanding. 28 will be a great one for me because I have decided to allow myself to grow more into my womanhood with no chains, no boundaries. I decided to delete and skip over all those by 20’s, 30’s, etc. articles for women. I decided that society and opinionated people cannot define womanhood for me.

I realized that I may be broken but that’s great because now God can put me back together exactly the way he needs me to be. Defining what we want out of life, kids, husband, family, career, hobbies, sex, religion, etc. it shouldn’t be on someone else’s terms and understanding. We are complex and different in so many ways yet we don’t accept that.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want out of life and as I’m trying to figure out my way as a woman in this crazy, overdulging society with everyone’s opinion of what I suppose to be doing  in life at my age. I realize we spend way too much time trying to put rules on what a woman should wear or what she shouldn’t wear, what her hair should look like, her body should look like, her God should look like, her decisions on kids, on marriage, when she should work, where she should work, what her friendships should be like, what her spouse should look like. Gosh that made my head spin!

One thing I don’t understand is why we put so many reservations on ourselves as a woman because of what society standards are? I don’t like rules, I don’t like “at this age you supposed to be this, do this or have this.” I actually hate that shit with a passion; it forces women to become another woman and not her own woman. The problem with today’s society and all the judgment is that we are allowing someone else to define OUR womanhood, ugh it’s so freaking personal and I love seeing a woman define and become a woman in her own rights. I’m looking forward to understanding a lot more about what womanhood is for me.

How does a career, kids, a husband, lobbies, religion and more fit into My Womanhood? I am going to sit back and enjoy finding out. Learning to embrace womanhood, learning the ropes on my way there, accepting my looks, my wants, my likes and dislikes, my beliefs, my flaws and feeling flawlessness all at once is important. Doing life my way is the only way I want to grow into my womanhood!