Why I No Longer Apologize For My Womanhood Experience


I wanted to share this journey for a long time but I will be honest I was a little nervous. It took me almost two years to even start to think about dating or try to make new friends because I was always afraid of how people would perceive me. I know people still judge me now but the closer I grow to God and recognize my purpose the judging doesn’t bother me at all. I am walking completely in God’s purpose for my life. When I decided to start this entrepreneur journey I gave up my apartment, personal belongings and car. The struggle stories didn’t appeal to people and I will admit it was a little embarrassing to talk to people about it but when I let go of that & trusted God things have begun to change. I think God kept me struggling because he felt I was embarrassed and not embracing his purpose for me so when that changed, I’ve been seeing so many changes in my personal and professional life, opportunities I’ve dreamed about continue to flood in.  

Although people may be looking at my surroundings they don’t understand God’s blessings for me but they see the joy, a lot of people see the joy and wonder why she so happy, she doesn’t have anything but they just don’t understand, I have to look like where I am going, not where I am. God has big plans for me and everyday I feel it, see it and finally starting to reach it.

I’ve been sitting on this blog since I shut it down on Wordpress for a year but the fire inside of me couldn’t stop. I needed to speak, let my voice be heard and change the conversation women was having about entrepreneurship, family, life and relationships. It’s interesting how different the conversation is. When I dated black men and told them my story, they didn’t like it they always questioned me and why, they looked at me as someone who didn’t have anything but every time I dated other races, they were always excited to hear my story and talk about how they always wanted to start a business or how brave I am. I use to be so angry hearing my black guy friends talk about doing all these amazing things working part time while their strong black women worked full-time so they can pursue companies they wanted to start, why when the tables turned was I made out to be an unstable, unreliable black woman with nothing to offer? how come my black brothers get a congratulations and hand claps and I get stared at like someone who lost her mind?

What about friendships? Let’s change the conversation in friendships. For the last three years I’ve always felt like the irreplaceable friend. The one that everyone needed for prayer, words of wisdom to lay everything out to when they were going through things but never the one invited out, never the one when I’m going through anything to have anyone to talk to. I started to think what role does friendship play in your womanhood journey?

Or how about the conversation about Mental Illness? How do you explain to someone who just don’t get it that you are suffering?

I am happy to be back to address it all! Enjoy Pajamas Till 12pm! What is it? It’s hope, I’ve dealt with depression since high school with hope, hope that tomorrow, today, in an hour it will be better, never lose that hope. Life isn’t perfect, no matter how and what time you decide to tackle it today, just do it!