"Abstinence is the choice not to have sex."---Sorry my devoted Christians I know I'm using a forbidden word here: S.E.X. But this is definitely a topic that has been on my mind for a couple of weeks and quite frankly I just like being transparent about my journey.
Before I jump in I feel a prayer on my heart:
Father, I ask that you let someone at this moment become free, from bondage, from hurt from ideals that keeps them from moving forward. That you uplift them to understand that their life is not a mistake, their walk is a testimony to lead others to your light and love. That they understand your love for them and the beauty that shines from them. In Jesus Name, Amen!
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.”
— Song of Solomon 4:7
A few years ago, actually 3 years to be exact I made a decision that changed how I felt about myself and my personal life moving forward. I made the decision to become abstinence. At the time I made the decision my walk with God and my relationship with him was pretty much nonexistent. I wasn't in church, I wasn't reading my bible and I'm pretty sure I was barely praying at that moment in life.
What started off as an "I'm tired of giving so much of myself, I need a break" became the beginning of a brand new journey with God.
Before I dive into this post let me be quite honest about my journey. I'm selfish, I've been selfish for a long time. I didn't like compromise, I've always been career focused and I wasn't really into big commitments so most of my "Bad guy picks" 90% probably had to do with the fact that I just wasn't really interested in learning what I needed from a men because I wasn't really into long-term commitment at the time. Which brings me to an interesting point, I think about the conversations I've had with friends who has waited on guys to "grow up or become ready to be in a relationship" and for them, it's ok. They are a guy, that's a guys thing. Why is that? Why when women enjoy being selfish, well they are just being selfish! But, just because I didn't want a relationship didn't mean I should play house or give up something that is so important to me and nor should you! Regardless if you are a hopeless romantic looking for that one true love or a single woman whose enjoyed your freedom and now looking to jump back into the dating game, you have a right to say what you want, need and what you expect.
So three years ago my journey of abstinence begin and I was honestly unsure of why. As it became a stronger part of my womanhood journey I started to question why I was doing this? Why was it so important? After a couple of months and a few nudges from God, I started getting the feeling that there was more to this journey and I needed to seek it. I begin pulling out my bible and started to get an understanding of how God cherished me so much and why it's allowed me to cherish myself. I actually started reading the bible again, praying and talking to God about where I was and where I needed to be.
Here I was doing this one act of change, that slowly drove me to seek God out and who he was and why this moment in my life I needed him. Over the last 6 months, my journey with God has completely grown and blown my mind. I've had this fire in me to seek more about who I am as a woman in Christ and it's completely changed my thoughts and feelings about abstinence and love.
See I started to stop with "society and men's" expectations of love and acceptance. God has pushed me to question, debate and research people's thoughts on his "expectation" for women, sex and love. Lately, he's lead me to so many scriptures about his unwavering love. I've witnessed over the last 6 months how unconditionally he loves me, how God cherishes and I begin to grow into his word, into his love, confidence, and strength with every fiber of my being. His love for me, allowed me to truly understand the love for myself and why my abstinence was the best decision I've could have ever made and for the first time in my 3 years of abstinence I've actually appreciated my decision and the beauty in it.
I've come to realize my abstinence allowed me to seek God, I needed the reassurance and I found that in my faith, in God and God alone, that has allowed me to have faith in myself and my journey to become the woman and one day the wife he wants me to be!
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”
— Proverbs 31:25