Today I was beginning to pray and I had countless thoughts going through my mind of what I should be praying and asking for but I had this sense to just thank God. Thank God for everything he is he doing in my life and everything he will do.
I been thinking lately what does "responsibility" look like for a child of God, especially in our prayer life and our intimate relationship with God. I will be completely honest, sometimes it's overwhelming, dreadful and very tiring. It's like a business transaction that just keeps going. I wonder what it would really feel like to just rest and be in God's love and grace, not ask for things over and over that he knows you need and/or want, Yes I am well aware that I am I need of a lot but for once I want to just be, just be with God without asking for something, just grow in his presence without constantly been in immediate need. When do we just be present?
It's interesting how we talk about how the "world" teaches us to always be in need, wanting and seeking but I find that religion can be the same dreading message. How do we find rest in God? when we never accept where he has us and just be there. Today as I dropped to my knees and pray I felt more tired and weak than I did excited, I felt tired and at that moment I didn't want to have a God duties checklist, I wanted to say Thank you and let him know whatever he has planned for me today I am prepared, however it look. I no longer wanted to read off my checklist of what I need from him and what I will do and become in exchange, I just wanted to say Lord, make me into the follower of Christ you need me to be and push me to do whatever you ask, WHEN you ask! I think I came to the conclusion I have to stop trying to force God to ask me to do something every moment, some moments he just wants us to be, rest and sit back.