For as long as I can remember I have been saying No to myself. I was so over-consumed with everyone else’s expectations, commitments, responsibilities, and life that I blocked my own for a very long time.
There has been so much my little heart has desired for the last 5 years and so much of that just wouldn’t happen for me because I refused to say Yes.
For years all my No’s were powerful, they were much more powerful than my Yes and that was a problem. I know we are taught in this society that our No’s are the most important thing but no one talks about how freeing a Yes can be. How the Yes shapes your life, how the Yes brings new adventures and experiences. At the beginning of the year when I decided to leave behind my goals, expectations and everything I’ve been told about purpose, passion, and dreams I had to say Yes to God and it felt good but I immediately realized that I was struggling with taking my Yes back from people.
Over the last few months as I have been growing and faced with confronting so many things that I thought I buried God made my Yes’s stronger and when I took it back, I felt the directness and realness of it. God showed me this year through #Yearoffreedom, if I say Yes to him, I must also say Yes to myself. Yes, to what my heart desires, yes to his promises for my life, yes to his visions, yes to stepping out on faith, yes to step out into the unknown. My no was blocking me from all personal and professional growth, my no’s kept me unsure and unsettled always, questioning everything. This year has been such a growth year for me. I started this journey with hope for something different and even at times when I didn’t think it would come God was working behind-the-scenes aligning his vision.
This past week has been the biggest test for “Yes” to myself. Before this year I’ve had all these dreams and goals I wanted but I was having a hard time connecting the dots, this year I told God, I don’t have any goals, I will not limit myself to anything, I want to see what God has planned for me. Also, I’ve always wanted to have my own business, doing freelance work, I never wanted to give that up but I love working but was having a hard time finding a job where I could do both. I’ve had people tell me to put my dreams on hold and work and then go back in 5 years but I knew, I knew, I knew God answered prayers and he knew what my dream was. As I’ve felt I gotten off track with my #Yearoffreedom, overwhelming myself with doubt, God was still there working in the background. I recently accepted a full-time position doing something my heart has desired for the last 2 years, working in the community and I get to still work my business (it’s encouraged). I was in awe of God totally answering this prayer, and it didn’t happen overnight. It took 5 years of total prayer and growth and half a year of understanding what it truly meant to be still and let God take control.
Today I was being pushed to write this blog post about Yes, God has placed me in so many positions lately that has required me to test out my Yes, test out my commitment to him, to teach me the power of showing up and it’s all equaled up to understanding that he needed me to say Yes and follow through on it. God needed me learn to get comfortable with focusing on my Yes and stop focusing on how my Yes made others feel or made others must take back control of their own lives. Do you know we hinder people when we say No to ourselves to please them? We not only block our own growth but an opportunity for them to grow as well.
My Yes is complicated and freeing, my Yes is giving me back my life that I’ve handed over to others. My Yes makes my relationship with God stronger, I’m so happy that he didn’t make #Yearoffreedom easy, that he’s forced me to face myself to break off from the No.