“I looked up and said, Lord what is going on? All I want to do is know your heart”
Over the last few weeks I’ve been praying a lot about what space and balance looks like for me and what does having spiritual space means?
I’ve found myself longing for quiet days and times set aside for just me and God, no theology, no religious ideals, just us two, discussing what it truly means to have some space and balance to grow.
Interesting enough God has been pressing on my heart to get outside with him more, I don’t know why but I’ve never paid attention to the things around me (nature) as much as I have these last 3-4 weeks.
One day as I was walking into church, I felt this dreadful feeling, it took everything in me to not turn back around, I didn’t have the desire for church, my heart was longing for just some alone time with God and I was completely feeling burned out, already? HA! I know! But, I was really feeling burned out with theology, with trying to understand where I personally stood on issues and ideals, with trying to align church culture with life.
I was having a hard time hearing myself, nothing was really resonating, nothing seemed genuine or making sense to my heart. Every journal session I was having, I was asking God to reveal his heart to me, to show me what I’m missing, to teach me what I don’t understand and nothing but more confusion was coming.
I was having a hard time digging into the word and figuring to how to live it out. I was having a hard time seeing God in many of the things surrounding me. I needed a spiritual space and balance to hear God, to open my heart and eyes, I needed the space to understand for myself.
Back to my question, “What does having spiritual space means? “
Every time we start to ask questions people say, read your bible more, you not praying enough, get in the spirit. It’s a repeated cycle of read and pray. Are we allowed to say, I need to put the bible down for right now and go see God in the things and people around us? Are you allowed to say No, without being told and judged as if you are not wanting more of God?
Is there ever a time we can sit back and say let me read over this and study this and see what my heart believes? Are we allowed spiritual space to get an understanding of what we believe and hope for? Are we allowed to sort out our relationship with God and what it looks like for ourselves?
I truly believe that God comes to people in different ways and I find so much beauty in that. I am on a journey of doing something I didn’t the first time around when I focused on being a child of God, finding and connecting with God, learning who he is to me and what that looks like and THEN figure out how do I apply that outside of the church, how do I spiritually connect with people, nature, food, the body, other beliefs, how do I connect with my own personal space, community, other cultures and everything in-between?